Here is my FancyPants this morning, moments before heading Bible Study or "Jesus School" as she likes to call it. I walked in and she says, "I weading your Bible, mommy!" And this just kind of plays into what I've been thinking about today...
As I mentioned above, I'm part of a women's Bible study at church, called SMILES, and for the past few weeks, we've been studying the Book of Esther. I had read this book before, but didn't really grasp the significance of it. It wasn't until today's lesson that I GOT IT and I now have so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind. So, forgive me if this gets a little off track...
I know, I know... Me? Off track?!? ;)
Today we listened as Beth Moore spoke about destiny, and how to fulfill it. And seriously, I don't know that this could have come at a better time. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world, doing the necessary things you do to get through the day; get showed and somewhat presentable for the day, get breakfast going, get kids dressed, play with them while simultaneously cleaning the mess they just made, chauffeur them to to play dates/library events/social classes, get home in time for lunch, read stories for naptime, burn off some energy post nap, get dinner going, bathtime, bedtime, etc. AND I'VE ONLY DISCUSSED BEING A MOM. Add to this the marital aspect and other obligations of your day-to-day life and it's easy to get wrapped up in taking care of you and your family.
But one of the things that struck a chord with me today was when Beth said "one of the most important parts of fulfilling our destiny is being transparent". It's so easy to forget who you once were because we simply don't want to identify with the person we once were; the girl who was abused, or used drugs, or who had an affair, or who just made some really poor choices. Why? Because it's embarrassing and shameful and not something we can look back upon and reminisce.
But God needs us to be transparent so that people can relate to us. He needs us to show the vulnerable areas in our life so that we can reach out and help someone going though something similar. He wants us to be there for one another, and being transparent is one of the ways to do so.
Many of you reading this blog know my issues and believe me, I have alot of them. From abandonment issues, to weight issues, to going through a divorce, I have my fair share. But nothing I have struggled with compares to the days I struggled with Post Pardum Depression. Nothing.
And for so long, I've tried to hide this fact about myself. I don't like to talk about it, or hint at it or even think about it because it was just that bad. But today a light bulb went off and I started thinking that I have alot of friends who are having babies right now. Many are new moms. Some are second-time moms and a few are newly pregnant. The common denominator is that besides being a parent, they read this blog. And maybe, just maybe, God wants to make me transparent in this light. Maybe there is a woman out there reading this who is suffering from PPD. She feels embarrassed, ashamed and downright hopeless like I once did. And I want to help.
Like I said, I have so much on my mind. I have always felt passionate about helping those with PPD, but short of wearing a shirt that says "I had PPD! You too? Wanna talk?", I didn't know what I was supposed to do with the lessons learned from that ROUGH time on my life. Who knows, maybe someone will read this and reach out to me. I would love that. Or maybe I will be inspired to write more about those ROUGH days. Or maybe God's plan for me is to discuss it in other venues. Who knows...
What I do know is hat I am going to live a life more transparent. Yes, I have my faults. Boy, do I have my daults. I am not perfect. But God loves me, He loves you and He wants to use our pasts to help someone else in a similar situation. And I am willing for follow His lead. You too?
Lemme know ;)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Transparency
Posted by Shell at 10/01/2009
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5 comments:
Shelly, I really admire you for this post in your blog. It literally brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I had no idea that you suffered from PDD .. you are always so wonderfully cheerful & happy when I see you. I have struggled with depression for years, at times so debilitating that I couldn't even get out of bed. I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy back in 2004 ... about a year before I started working for OW/TNN. Heartbreakingly, he passed away at 13 days due to a congenital heart defect. That tragedy spiraled me into a frightening world of depression which was only compounded one year later when my mother passed away. I have always admired you for the person that you are but I think that with this post, I may have actually fallen in love with you ... for lack of a better way to phrase it!! lol Thank you!
if you wanna be see through i guess i can too. but my clothes can't be...deal?
Beth Moore has a way of smacking the scripture into you. You inspire me thanks for that post.
Beth Moore has a way of smacking the scripture into you. You inspire me thanks for that post.
Shell - A lot of weird circumstances brought me to this post: getting my son to school early today for his worship band practice and coming to work early, getting an email from Justin about a problem with the HDC website which has nothing to do with me but passing it on to the right people, wondering about how you guys are doing, checking FB and seeing that you are taking a couple days off, looking in my pocket for a $1 bill and finding one that is 2008 and wondering if you still needed one... All simple and seemingly random things, they put my heart and mind in a unique readiness to read this post.
This post is very Esther-ish!! And you know how much I like that book, because God uses a thousand "random" little things to orchestrate His plan, and at the very center was a frightened girl who was willing to do something that seemed so contrary to normal wisdom and self-preservation. She took a risk that could have cost her life, but eventually saved millions of lives.
So far, there are only three comments to this post. But I would be willing to bet that God has already used it to touch hundreds of hearts (and eventually, probably thousands). You will probably never hear from them, but you don't have to. You took your step of obedience - now it's up to Him to use it as He sees fit. For example: you have no idea how much this one act of courage has challenged me and encouraged me today!! I have never had PPD (obviously being male), but I know exactly what it is like to be fearful of the steps He asks me to take!
Thank you for trusting Him, and thank you for sharing your heart in this blog!!!!!
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