I've mentioned before that we are huge proponents of
Parenting with Love and Logic. We've been following these techniques since Jake was 6 months old and have found them to be
absolutely essential for our home (without the yelling, spanking, strained relationships, etc).
Thankfully, Jake gives us lots of opportunities practicing our Love and Logic skills ;)
Lemme just start by saying we don't throw rocks at our house. That probably goes without saying... so when we had some of Jake's friends over and they were throwing rocks, I was not pleased. I was even more NOT pleased when they came running inside to tell me that Jake had shattered our neighbors glass table.
Yep. You read that right.
I wish I could say I responded to this with calmness, love and grace. But I didn't.... that's all I'll say :)
It took me some time but I remembered once again, the importance of mistakes in training up children. They are supposed to make mistakes; that's what they do, and my job as a mom is to teach and guide in the midst of these (sometimes major!) mistakes.
So, we constructed a plan.
The table cost us $80 to replace (we split it halfway with our friends who were also throwing rocks) so it cost us $40. So, we gave Jake a choice (L & L is all about empowering them and giving choices). He could choose to sell a pricey toy to pay us back, or he could do extra chores... 40 of them to be exact.
He chose to do 40 chores.
Our plan was for him to help clean up the mess he had made. But when we woke up the next morning, our neighbor had cleaned it all up :( So we did the next best thing; brought them the $80 to replace the table, a pie and a handwritten apology:
If he never had to do a chore to pay us back for the money we spent on the table, I don't think it would have mattered. because hand delivering the money, pie and note, along with a sincere apology to our neighbor, did the trick. he was so, so upset at having to face our neighbors and tell him what he had done. In fact, it was incredibly hard to be his mama at the time because honestly, I just wanted to scoop him up and tell him that it wasn't a big deal. Except, I would be doing him a disservice by not allowing him to face the natural consequences of his actions. So we had him follow through.
After apologizing, we made a chore chart. He earns a sticker but completing a chore and when he reaches his 40th chore, he has paid off his debt.
There was a lot of chores completed; vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom floors, emptying the trash cans, taking care of dishes, etc.
And he honestly did them all without a complaint. I have been super proud of him in this regard.
And then, a full 4+ months after he broke the table, he completed his last chore and earned his last sticker, paying off the $40 table!
It wasn't easy... on any of us. He, of course, would have rather done anything else. And I wanted so bad to give in because I knew he was sorry. But I also knew I had to follow through so that he could experiences the consequences of poor decisions while the stakes are low in childhood. So Justin and I persisted. And we are so glad we did. What a learning opportunity for him and us!
